would it make it any better?

I miss this feeling, it's the one I crave most days of the year, i can breathe and with each new whirlwind of air new thoughts embrace my mind.
I feel swollen with thoughts and creative energy, give me your face i want to make it my master piece.
I can't even contain myself, oh joyous.
I can't put my mind away nor do I wish to do so.

Come paint with me.

slow beats

Beautiful music,
soft almost silent noise in my ears,
it rings at a pitch only dogs can hear yet it could tear down your wildest dreams,
oh how it keeps me motionless like a still life of storms.

it will only hurt for a minute

Well, much has gone on in this past week, and it has been brain numbing when you'd think it would quite the contrary.

When this week began I was hopeful with the up and coming Factory party and having plans to visit very missed friends back in Brighton, even with the flood I was being positive.
As i drove back to Brighton i experienced terrible and sudden pain, ignored it, but when three days later I was still curled on the floor in tears I was a little worried, but once again ignored it.
I came home Friday night to bleach and finishing scrubbing the basement with my parents but my roommates were concerned when I couldn't even go up and doing the stairs because my right side was in throbbing, burning pain.
So my mother took me to the emergency room at around 1am that night, I was there for three hours and had the joy of getting a pelvic exam(which reminds me why I'm in no way fond of being a woman), cat scan, eight hundred blood tests, etc. it was probably the most horrid 12 hours of my life.
And they released me with no indication really as to what was going on with me,
"Well you're out of here, oh and we can't give you those pain meds because you're appendix could burst, and if it does let us know, it's likely and serious, you could die."

And that my friends is why I do not like doctors, hospitals, or anything sterile for the matter.

So I get back home around two in the afternoon and spend the day cleaning and tin foiling the basement in preparation for the party, which I'd say was pretty damn successful.
I couldn't drink however which was fine with me, I enjoyed watching everyone else be mindless, and tons of people came that I didn't expect to. A dog even came to our party!

but some people however, were slam drunked beyond oblivion, which worried me. In a way I thought to myself about how much I drink and how I really need to keep it in the down low because I don't want to be that emotional drunk person who cries there heart out to every soul that passes by, and I never do, so i shouldn't be so concerned it's just tiring i can't think so much right now. And blah blah, I'm running in circles in my mind.

I wish I was tired. Eh.
Today was so beautiful out, I really wanted to get a pumpkin but it's too soon i think, but soon enough I'm going to fill my backyard with pumpkins and be happy.

I'm exhausted, I can't sleep, I'm done here.

lay me down

I can't decide whether I want to write or not,
my eyes are being pulled back through my skull and my body just wants to be horizontal,
because sitting up is just to complicated to think about at this point.
I want all of the trees to be red, orange and yellow because it makes the world seem so unreal.






I feel sick
come spend time with me.

Let's pretend it's last wednesday.

I'm sitting here on the pink Velvet coach in my living room,
as one roommate clings to the futon, another runs about upstairs, and I'm here-
I really should be doing better things with my time like finding a job for one,
or just doing something mildly productive, but I'm not.
And that's okay, because the trees are at such a stand still, they're not even trying to convince me to come out and play, which is okay, just for today.

Yesterday was my birthday along with a few others,
so the day carried a lot of magic even though the sky held one shade of gray for the entirety of the day. But I've never spent such a good day wrapped up in blankets.

.