very (UN)focused

Time is spiraling out of control, running from my fingertips faster than money.
The leaves are only a constant reminder of what's yet to come, I'm excited. I can't wait for the future, digging new graves to fill. Everyday is a battle, a constant fight. Trying to get my thoughts clear, i have to backtrack before things can get any better. I've made way too many damn mistakes in the past months, I'm very aware of what I've done and haven't done, progress. change. it's all happening under the surface all of the time. Sometimes I feel like fighting myself is always the biggest battle, I always have to fight myself and when I'm not that's when I fuck up. I'm too in the moment I rarely yield with caution, just go, just do it, and if there's a problem I'll spend the next months of my life trying to straighten out the aftermath. And that's where I am, so done dealing with my constant lapse of judgment. So frustrated at myself, and that doesn't even help any. If you want to be it, be it. If you want to change it, change it.
Nobody said it was easy.
It is what it is, and that's what it is.
..

I love the people in my life, so THANKFUL for everyone I know, meet, see, strangers, dangers. Everyone has their own pile of shit they have to carry around with them all day, so be nice, think twice and most of all please stay off of the roads if you're in a hurry, you're not the only person you're responsible for when you're driving..
as for me
i'm in no rush;

not today at least
xo

red leaves, red lobsters

I've been walking down the wrong path,
i'm jumping ship, I have to get my thoughts together.
Alright Laura steer straight,
avoid danger and bright lights.

Why do you keep showing up in my dreams,
get out of my head.
Twenty bodies lined up along the railroad tracks, all bent over with their heads on the rail.
On a beautiful bridge, over a river.
The train comes, nothing but blood showers- no one moved.
The river turns red.
And I wake up.

My head's on the line next.