see you today

I'm so twisted and tangled in the thoughts of your locks alone-
I don't even need to be near them, I haven't even seen you in weeks.
Something about those eyes that burn through the days and land themselves a starring role in most of my nights dreams, I want you. But I spilled the milk months ago, a real fuck up, me. We probably could of had something great but I destroyed it, instantly, the bat of an eyelash and a zip of a zipper and bam. over. I was so far away from right, my judgment is always in the red zone it seems. A walking disaster. I didn't want it to be this way.
I really really wanted this story to have a different end. For now it is what is, and that's what it is.
..
Turning 21 was exactly what I expected. Woke up the next morning with a blackout induced panic attack. I thought I died at TeeBones, but for some reason I woke up in my bed, clothes trail through the house and jessica at my side. I had alot of fun yet I drank an oceans worth, I never want that much alcohol running through my veins again, it was painful. And the fact that there are at least three good hours that are just black spots in my memory freaks me out. I can't handle it.
[self control]: i'm trying so hard to get a grasp on the meaning, and what it means for me. I feel like I have been spiraling OUT of control for too long, I need to get my priorities in check. fast.
..
Things are starting to fall into to place and I have nothing but high hopes for the months to come. Bills are getting paid off, slowly but surely and I am working two jobs, hours are finally picking up. I hope to be moving by december, back in with Brenna. Which will be amazing, i can't handle it here, I need my own place, I need art supplies everywhere, I need space. And a kitty..

Wide awake, 3 AM. Work in the AM.
Geesh..

Sing me to sleep?
xo

The cold is sweeping through this small town, warm hearts turned bitter. It's only the beginning, the leaves are still holding tight to trees, soon they'll be falling under our feet, crunch.
Six days brings my day of birth, birthday, happy day. I just don't even have the energy at this moment to think about it, I just don't even want to.
..

And here we are darling, you with your desire to burn.
As the flames eat you whole let me watch and learn.
So sudden, so sweet, just add fire and meet your defeat.

..
another day, another time
i'll sit down and really let you in on the chaos which consumes my mind,
for now i'm busy painting.
xo